Showing posts with label Inspiration. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Inspiration. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
A Call for Photos
Ok ladies, you've inspired me. The word "inspire" and "inspiration" gets thrown around a lot on my blogs. I don't use it lightly. I've looked around me, and ladies, you are amazing!!! I know some of the most inspiring, amazing, world-changing women. I am honored to be surrounded by such people, and I want to honor you. Please send me photos of yourself to be featured in an upcoming post. I am putting together a slideshow of the superstars of our sex. You can email your pictures to me at smeea5@yahoo.com to be featured in a near future post. Let's let the world know who you are, what you do, and the HUGE impact you have on our world.
Friday, December 31, 2010
2010 Draws to an End
I will probably get flack for this post. I usually try to keep things very positive. Can I tell you how many people over the last two years have told me how inspiring I am? If I had a dollar for every time someone has said that, I could pay my January mortgage with the proceeds. There are times, like now, where I wish I could inspire myself.
The reality is that this has been a dog crap year.
OK, let me focus on the positive. AnnaSophia is healthy and showing no signs of rejection. Ethan and Emily are doing well in school. Ethan even made the honor roll. This is Emily's first full year in school after being home schooled, and she is doing really well too. I have been able to keep some stability in the children's lives by being able to stay in our family home for now. My dog loves me. I am surrounded by wonderful family and friends who have been very supportive this year. I have seen our Mended Little Hearts of Colorado Springs group take off and become an important presence in our community. I have been able to volunteer with the American Heart Association and help make the Heart Heroes Gallery possible.
Then, there is the weight of the world that I carry on my shoulders daily.
I'm going through a D-I-V-O-R-C-E.
Can I be frank here? Divorce sucks. It rocks your world. I have felt like I have had the rug pulled out from underneath of me, and I'm free falling through life. It hurts people emotionally, physically and financially. Most of all it hurts children. It's one thing for people without children to deal with all of the garbage associated with the death of a marriage. It's devastating to see the effects of it on my children. When they hurt, I hurt. I carry that hurt every waking and sleeping moment.
I don't sleep--at least not much. I don't eat--well sometimes.
Rabbit Trail: My friends love talking to me about food. I LOVE FOOD! Good food is one of the great joys of life. Friends and I would talk about recipes we've tried and ones we want to try. Ethnic, gourmet or rocking kid food--it's all good. I was told today that I don't talk about food anymore. I'm disappointing my friends. How sad is that??? Oh appetite, where have you gone??? The reality is, the more stressed I am, the more I don't have an appetite. I have nicknamed myself the "incredible shrinking woman". I just had to take in the waist of my size 4 jeans. I'm not proud of this people. It's sick.
I'm not always a stressed out mess of a person. I have learned to fake it for my kids sake, and the most amazing thing happens. I find real joy in some of those moments I started out pretending with. Hugs are freely given in my home. Silliness abounds. The day after Christmas I spent with the children making friendship bracelets with Emily, playing Polly Pockets with AnnaSophia and having a killer Nerf dart gun vs. marshmallow shooter battle with Ethan.
It's the quiet moments that are the worst. I don't mind being alone, but I don't like feeling lonely. It's times like 3am when I wake up and can't get back to sleep that are hard. I've found crying in the shower is good and cleansing--and I don't have to worry about messing up my makeup. See, there is a silver lining. What's so hard? It's the reality that I'm walking the path of raising my children alone that is scary and sad. I worry about how in the world am I going to parent three children if AnnaSophia rejects, and we have to live in Denver for 6 months. Will I be able to pay my bills? Will I find a good paying job? Will I lose my job when AnnaSophia gets sick? Will I ever be able to take my kids on vacation? What if AnnaSophia dies???
I know I shouldn't let my mind go to these places. It's really the by-product of loneliness. It's the by-product of realizing that I carry the life and death of my child all on my shoulders--alone. I've actually had someone tell me that a man would be crazy to take on me and my children. Wow!!! That hurt. It didn't hurt for me, but for my children. My kids are NOT a liability, but this just goes to show you how the rest of the world perceives my life. Wow, three kids, two with special needs...heavy. That's a lot. It's not normal. Frankly, it would take a very special man who would want to stick around to be a part of that life. So, I guard my heart and my children with concrete walls, 25 feet thick.
Expectation: To look forward to something with great anticipation.
Most people look forward to celebrating New Years Eve and ringing in the New Year. Folks tend to look back on the previous year with 20/20 hindsight and look forward to the New Year with great anticipation and expectation that the New Year will treat them well. Maybe Eeyore new something the rest of us didn't. If you don't have great expectations, then you can't be disappointed...right? I know I sound a little bah humbug, especially for a "glass half full" kind of girl. I'm just in a funk. I'm waiting for things to get better. The process of divorce is like slow, painful torture designed to make all parties miserable.
Maybe I shouldn't wait for things to get better, but take an active roll in pursuing "betterness" and happiness. As a matter of fact, that sounds like a good plan for 2011. The upside of divorce: I don't have to live in a bad marriage. The divorce will be final the beginning of 2011. Woo hoo for me...I think. I guess I'm still trying to figure out how to embrace this. I think I will throw a party. 2011 marks a new start in my life. It might just be me and my kids alone on this journey called life, but we will be together no matter what. Through the tears, the sadness, the laughter, the silliness and the heartfelt moments, we will be together. We will seek the good and trust that God will walk with us and provide through the tough stuff. I will attempt to face 2011 with cautious optimism and pray that we will find our way through an uncertain future with the hope that we will discover joy along the way.
2011 blessings to you all.
The reality is that this has been a dog crap year.
OK, let me focus on the positive. AnnaSophia is healthy and showing no signs of rejection. Ethan and Emily are doing well in school. Ethan even made the honor roll. This is Emily's first full year in school after being home schooled, and she is doing really well too. I have been able to keep some stability in the children's lives by being able to stay in our family home for now. My dog loves me. I am surrounded by wonderful family and friends who have been very supportive this year. I have seen our Mended Little Hearts of Colorado Springs group take off and become an important presence in our community. I have been able to volunteer with the American Heart Association and help make the Heart Heroes Gallery possible.
Then, there is the weight of the world that I carry on my shoulders daily.
I'm going through a D-I-V-O-R-C-E.
Can I be frank here? Divorce sucks. It rocks your world. I have felt like I have had the rug pulled out from underneath of me, and I'm free falling through life. It hurts people emotionally, physically and financially. Most of all it hurts children. It's one thing for people without children to deal with all of the garbage associated with the death of a marriage. It's devastating to see the effects of it on my children. When they hurt, I hurt. I carry that hurt every waking and sleeping moment.
I don't sleep--at least not much. I don't eat--well sometimes.
Rabbit Trail: My friends love talking to me about food. I LOVE FOOD! Good food is one of the great joys of life. Friends and I would talk about recipes we've tried and ones we want to try. Ethnic, gourmet or rocking kid food--it's all good. I was told today that I don't talk about food anymore. I'm disappointing my friends. How sad is that??? Oh appetite, where have you gone??? The reality is, the more stressed I am, the more I don't have an appetite. I have nicknamed myself the "incredible shrinking woman". I just had to take in the waist of my size 4 jeans. I'm not proud of this people. It's sick.
I'm not always a stressed out mess of a person. I have learned to fake it for my kids sake, and the most amazing thing happens. I find real joy in some of those moments I started out pretending with. Hugs are freely given in my home. Silliness abounds. The day after Christmas I spent with the children making friendship bracelets with Emily, playing Polly Pockets with AnnaSophia and having a killer Nerf dart gun vs. marshmallow shooter battle with Ethan.
It's the quiet moments that are the worst. I don't mind being alone, but I don't like feeling lonely. It's times like 3am when I wake up and can't get back to sleep that are hard. I've found crying in the shower is good and cleansing--and I don't have to worry about messing up my makeup. See, there is a silver lining. What's so hard? It's the reality that I'm walking the path of raising my children alone that is scary and sad. I worry about how in the world am I going to parent three children if AnnaSophia rejects, and we have to live in Denver for 6 months. Will I be able to pay my bills? Will I find a good paying job? Will I lose my job when AnnaSophia gets sick? Will I ever be able to take my kids on vacation? What if AnnaSophia dies???
I know I shouldn't let my mind go to these places. It's really the by-product of loneliness. It's the by-product of realizing that I carry the life and death of my child all on my shoulders--alone. I've actually had someone tell me that a man would be crazy to take on me and my children. Wow!!! That hurt. It didn't hurt for me, but for my children. My kids are NOT a liability, but this just goes to show you how the rest of the world perceives my life. Wow, three kids, two with special needs...heavy. That's a lot. It's not normal. Frankly, it would take a very special man who would want to stick around to be a part of that life. So, I guard my heart and my children with concrete walls, 25 feet thick.
Expectation: To look forward to something with great anticipation.
Maybe I shouldn't wait for things to get better, but take an active roll in pursuing "betterness" and happiness. As a matter of fact, that sounds like a good plan for 2011. The upside of divorce: I don't have to live in a bad marriage. The divorce will be final the beginning of 2011. Woo hoo for me...I think. I guess I'm still trying to figure out how to embrace this. I think I will throw a party. 2011 marks a new start in my life. It might just be me and my kids alone on this journey called life, but we will be together no matter what. Through the tears, the sadness, the laughter, the silliness and the heartfelt moments, we will be together. We will seek the good and trust that God will walk with us and provide through the tough stuff. I will attempt to face 2011 with cautious optimism and pray that we will find our way through an uncertain future with the hope that we will discover joy along the way.
2011 blessings to you all.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Perspective
There are times when life has been tough lately. I have felt emotionally beat up. Some mornings, the love I have for my children is the only things that keeps me going. That's when God puts something or someone in my life that gives me perspective.
Perspective: How we look at the world. Our outlook.
It can be good, or it can just plain stink. Remember hearing about the glass analogy? Do you look at this glass of water as being half full or half empty? The positive person would say it's half full. The negative one would say it's half empty.
I've always been a "glass half full" kind of person. I like to smile, laugh and surround myself with generally positive people. My faith has helped me to see the positive in even the hardest situations. I look for God's purpose and plan in the difficult circumstances. How is He attempting to refine me? The difficult circumstances can shape us into better people, if we allow God to work His purpose in our lives.
I have to honestly say that I've been in a funk. Divorce can do that to a person. It can make one question his or her choices, worth and future. I have felt as though I'm on an emotional roller coaster. One moment, I'm joyful and feeling positive about everything. The next moment, I'm crying over the littlest thing. The next moment, I'm wanting to beat the stuffing out of a pillow till there's nothing left. (Or walk 6 miles--fast, or shovel a giant pile of mulch--vigorously, or move a large pile of sizable river rock--furiously, etc.) Sorry for the rabbit trail, but you get the picture.
The reality is that we can allow difficulties to destroy us, and make us angry, bitter and negative. OR, we can work through the emotions, grow, learn and become the kind of people who change the world. Maybe our circle of influence is confined to our family. Maybe our purpose is to influence the world on a greater scale. This can only happen if we are secure in our identity.
Identity
I'm not talking about surface identity. Daughter, husband, mother, friend, co-worker, etc. This is not about our skewed picture of how we see ourselves. I'm talking about our identity in God's eyes. How does God see us? Some of you are blessed enough to have people in your lives who see you how God sees you. Hopefully, some of you are married to a spouse who loves you and sees you the way Jesus does. What an amazing gift to be loved with that kind of love! In order to have a positive perspective, it is essential to know who you are in Christ.
Nick Vujicic is one of those amazingly inspiring people who helps us to gain perspective. His upbeat, positive energy is contagious. Nick was born without limbs--no arms or legs. He talks about his struggles, and how the love of Jesus has transformed his life. He reminds us that no matter what our circumstances in life, God will always be there to walk us through our trials. His message is amazingly powerful.
I needed to see this video more than I realized. It's amazing how easily we can lose our perspective. Sometimes all we need is someone to remind us about our purpose, our identity, and that yes, God is here to walk us through whatever trials we may face. You can check out more of Nick's story here. Hopefully, this video will affect you greatly, and like me, help you to gain perspective.
Blessings.
Perspective: How we look at the world. Our outlook.
It can be good, or it can just plain stink. Remember hearing about the glass analogy? Do you look at this glass of water as being half full or half empty? The positive person would say it's half full. The negative one would say it's half empty.
I've always been a "glass half full" kind of person. I like to smile, laugh and surround myself with generally positive people. My faith has helped me to see the positive in even the hardest situations. I look for God's purpose and plan in the difficult circumstances. How is He attempting to refine me? The difficult circumstances can shape us into better people, if we allow God to work His purpose in our lives.
I have to honestly say that I've been in a funk. Divorce can do that to a person. It can make one question his or her choices, worth and future. I have felt as though I'm on an emotional roller coaster. One moment, I'm joyful and feeling positive about everything. The next moment, I'm crying over the littlest thing. The next moment, I'm wanting to beat the stuffing out of a pillow till there's nothing left. (Or walk 6 miles--fast, or shovel a giant pile of mulch--vigorously, or move a large pile of sizable river rock--furiously, etc.) Sorry for the rabbit trail, but you get the picture.
The reality is that we can allow difficulties to destroy us, and make us angry, bitter and negative. OR, we can work through the emotions, grow, learn and become the kind of people who change the world. Maybe our circle of influence is confined to our family. Maybe our purpose is to influence the world on a greater scale. This can only happen if we are secure in our identity.
Identity
I'm not talking about surface identity. Daughter, husband, mother, friend, co-worker, etc. This is not about our skewed picture of how we see ourselves. I'm talking about our identity in God's eyes. How does God see us? Some of you are blessed enough to have people in your lives who see you how God sees you. Hopefully, some of you are married to a spouse who loves you and sees you the way Jesus does. What an amazing gift to be loved with that kind of love! In order to have a positive perspective, it is essential to know who you are in Christ.
Nick Vujicic is one of those amazingly inspiring people who helps us to gain perspective. His upbeat, positive energy is contagious. Nick was born without limbs--no arms or legs. He talks about his struggles, and how the love of Jesus has transformed his life. He reminds us that no matter what our circumstances in life, God will always be there to walk us through our trials. His message is amazingly powerful.
I needed to see this video more than I realized. It's amazing how easily we can lose our perspective. Sometimes all we need is someone to remind us about our purpose, our identity, and that yes, God is here to walk us through whatever trials we may face. You can check out more of Nick's story here. Hopefully, this video will affect you greatly, and like me, help you to gain perspective.
Blessings.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Rabbit Trails and Detours
New times require new blogs.
My original blog, AnnaSophia--God's Miracle has been a wonderful tool to keep family and friends updated on my daughter's medical journey. AnnaSophia was born with life-threatening heart defects which eventually led to her need for a heart transplant. Over time, the blog evolved, containing not only medical updates, but updates on the entire family. I wrote about my very personal thoughts as it related to watching AnnaSophia struggle to live and the challenges that our family faced.
As our lives began to settle down, I became passionate about letting the world know that congenital heart defects (CHD's) are the number one birth defect in the world. It kills more children than all childhood cancers put together. I needed to let the world know about CHD's like I needed air to breathe. AnnaSophia's blog will continue with updates about the children and, of course, information about congenital heart defects, but sometimes I've felt the need to write things that are "off topic".
Rabbit trails typically have a negative connotation. Most people see these paths as a waste of time, but I am optimist. I love rabbit trails! Well, let me clarify. Most people don't like being led away from the topic at hand, only to realize that it led them nowhere. What I love are the unplanned little mental meanderings that lead me to new information, unexpected enlightenment or simply a wonderful laugh. Rabbit trails are those thoughts that temporarily take over my mind, steering me away from my current thought process to an unexpected little mental vacation. Sometimes there is treasure at the end of a these paths, and no matter how hard I try, I find myself hopping happily down a rabbit trail.
Detours. Life is full of them. We might have an idea of what our life will be like, but then there are circumstances that temporarily change our direction. Sometimes detours take us down a different path, but to the same end. Other times, detours can change the entire landscape of our life. I've found myself taking a detour from what I originally envisioned my life to be.
After 15 and 1/2 years of marriage, I find myself walking down the path of divorce. Divorce is the death of a marriage. Death requires grieving, and I have grieved...deeply. Divorce can be like an all-consuming wildfire that devours everything in its path. So often I find myself trying to quench the flames of destruction, protecting my children like some crazed mama grizzly bear.
Even though this is not how I envisioned my life to be, I have confidence in knowing that God knew this would happen. He's led me through worse times of pain and uncertainty. Like a forest that has been burned by wildfire, there comes a time when new growth appears and the soil is richer.
Divorce has caused me to re-evaluate my life and look at my future differently. My goals are different now. My reason for living is different now than when I was married. My hope for my children is that God will take their wounded hearts and heal them.
Rabbit Trails and Detours. A new blog for my new life. My desire is that we will find treasure down our rabbit trails and companionship on the detours. And please, if there is a rabbit trail or detour that you would like to see me write about, please let me know.
Blessings.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)